Discipline Differences

One of the larger issues in blended families, but not unique to blended families, is disciplinary differences. These are sometimes so substantial that marriages are dissolved due to "irreconcilable differences." Each person has a disciplinary or parenting style that has been established based on upbringing, moral beliefs, bias, and long before the blended family occurs. These deeply rooted ways are complex to change.

Discussion before marriage is always a great place to start, but what happens when you are deep in the trenches and it seems insurmountable odds? Emotions are at peak levels, and no hope is in sight.

1. Time out. (Yes, adults need time-outs, too).

2.  Make a list of priorities and what's important to each of you. These should be ranked in order.

3. Remember that relationships MUST work together toward a common goal. What is that goal? Example: Raising God fearing, God loving, emotionally intelligent, responsible children. Consider your goal and how you can collaborate to achieve it.

4. Set a time to revisit and discuss these things together when emotions are calmer, and consider using a mediator if necessary.

My husband and I learned we needed to let go of some things and not to sweat the small stuff. If we truly loved each other and our children, then NOTHING was worth inflicting more pain on them and having another marriage ruined. Making it in any marriage, and especially a blended family, takes God, patience, perseverance, humility, and love. Ask yourself if having your way is worth losing everything in the process.

When you are working to resolve conflict, the key is to avoid calling it a compromise, as that implies that both parties lose a little something. Instead, visualize it as both people working together to gain something, provide a solution, and make things better. The number one thing to remember is that your spouse is not your enemy; they are your teammate.

Example: Spouse A wants the children to adhere to a strict 8:30 bedtime with the lights out, which is what their biological children are accustomed to. Spouse B has always allowed a flexible bedtime within reason and doesn't mind if the child needs a night light, as they also used one growing up. Now imagine these kids, from very different routines and households, having to share a bedroom. This can lead to many parental and sibling fights.

Don't give up! Don't lose hope! Disciplinary differences can be overcome! Please book a session today to learn more.